I have been planning on making a move out of Iowa for a very long time. Probably since high school, truth be known, but it is so hard to leave friends and family behind. With the children, it is even harder, so I have planned not to leave until my daughter is out of elementary school, so that she has a decent foundation. It was one of the things that I would have changed from my own childhood, if I could have. I like Iowa, on it’s own merits, there aren’t too many people and the crime rate is low. It’s a good place to raise children, if you don’t mind everyone knowing your business _all_ the time. I just hate the winters, all the snow and the ice. The summers are almost as bad, I can’t go outside without at least 50 SPF sunscreen and even when I do, I get burns all the fricking time. The humidity can’t be forgotten, either. So, I am moving to find a place that I can enjoy the nature, being outside and not be so stressed out about the weather.
This means I allow for one more school year to pass before we move. I say we, meaning the children and I, possibly, just possibly, including Darren in that we, if he so chooses. So far, the general idea is to move out to the Seattle area, though I am going to give some serious looks at Port Angeles and Port Townsend, as well. I may well move the children to a more rural area (like Port Townsend), which they are familiar with, because I think the much larger city (Seattle) would be a complete culture shock. Port Angeles is about the size of Iowa City, a little smaller, but that also looks good to me.
I will be flying out to the area in December, Darren will likely be joining me to do the initial onsite investigations. I have spent lots of time researching the areas online and I have thought about moving to the West Coast for literally half my life. This is not a decision that I have reached lightly, nor is it a spur of the moment life choice. My ex-husband understands exactly what I am doing and why, and though he is angry about the change in the situation (visitation being moved to full summer, versus every other weekend), he is at least supportive of my pursuit of my happiness in life. That means a lot, it really does.
My family has not been so supportive. My mother is now refusing to talk about it, like if she avoids it, it’ll go away on it’s own. When I tried talking to her about it yesterday, I was instructed that I needed to talk to my grandmother and other family members, as if what they said would change my feelings and would instantly quash any desire to move. So, I call my grandmother and she pretty much tells me that I need to listen to the children (I am!) and that parents sometimes have to make sacrifices for their children. (Because I’ve never made any, obviously.) She made it clear that she thought I was doing a great job as a parent and that she knew it was hard, but that I needed to take into consideration everyone else’s feelings about this situation.
I have been taking everyone else’s feelings into consideration since the day my divorce was final. I have stayed for all of them. I could have moved then, even if I am now glad I didn’t make that move; it doesn’t change the fact that I have stayed almost another ten years for my family and for the kids. By staying, I was able to finish college and the kids have gotten a good solid education and have been close to their little brother. Staying has definitely not been all bad.
But that doesn’t mean that moving will bad, either. I think it will be an awesome adventure. I am taking it slowly, doing lots of research and finding out all I can about the jobs, schools, communities that we are looking at. Making sure that I do a good review of the areas in advance, before making any commitments that I can’t get out of. I am scared about it, but also thrilled to be able to finally put things together and start making the connections I need to make. I just wish my family could be more supportive about it. That would really make the difference for me.
heathertrix
Its a crap situation, but i have faith that you will do whats best.
You will make the right decision. You know your kids, you know you… you have everything you need to do what’s best for all of you.
As much as I want kids, one of the things I was so grateful for in my divorce is that children weren’t a consideration. I think everyone expected me to move back to New England, and I did a 180 and moved to Austin. It has not been easy, but it has been WELL worth it. It’s the first time I have made a decision for me – not my family, not someone I was in a relationship with… just me. And while I doubt I’ll live out my days here, it has been a fantastic experience and taught me so much. *hugs*
I agonized over my move for a while, too. I was tired of midwest winters and summers, and had promised myself it was time to live my life again. My family wasn’t happy, but you know what? They got over it. They realized that I’m a grown up and need to be able to make my own decisions. But at first? My mom acted much the same way. If I would start to talk about moving, or the boy I was interested in who was a possibility for that move, all she would say was “No!” and that would be it. Now she’s excited for a new vacation destination.
Having kids throws another factor into decision making processes, too. But there too, moving IS an adventure! I LOVED moving when I was a kid! Sure, I missed my family when they were far away, but I learned so much more than staying in my one little hometown would have ever been able to provide.
I say go for it and good luck to you! People who love you and care about you will understand; and even if they don’t, they will realize it’s your life and you already are taking everything you can into consideration, and that it has to be your decision.